How To Disagree with Your Parents Respectfully

Tips on presenting yourself calmly and maturely in a family argument

Being respectful and tactful when disagreeing with a parent or another family member can go a long way. Here are a few quick tips on how to disagree in a mature way without feeling like a doormat:

1. Think before you speak: Don't let angry words fly out of your mouth if you don't mean them. Otherwise, you'll have a lot of cleanup to do later.

2. Put yourself in the other person's shoes: How would you feel if you were your mom or dad? Where are they coming from in this situation? Have they got a point?

3. Listen: Maybe the person you're disagreeing with isn't as off-base or unfair as you think. Hear them out, then decide how to approach the situation.

4. Focus on needs rather than conflict: Be clear about what you need rather than focusing on why you disagree. Stress to the other person that you want to come up with a solution with them rather than work against them.

5. Use "I" rather than "You": In particular, use specific "I" statements rather than general "you" statements. For example, saying "I feel really bad about myself when you talk about my math grades in front of the neighbors" is more effective than "You make other people think I'm stupid!"

6. Steer clear of personal attacks: Don't tell your dad he's a jerk; tell him that his opinion matters to you, then explain why you don't see eye to eye.

7. Try to stay calm: If you find yourself getting too angry or frustrated, don't hesitate to ask for some time to cool off. If you can, arrange a different time to discuss the issue with your parents.